Life with Kids, Mama K (CD5K), Where I'm at now...

Determination: I CAN win this race today.

My race started at 6:45 this morning. It wasn’t a true running race, but today was most certainly a marathon beginning before 7am…and as soon as my feet hit the floor, I thought to myself “I’m not going to make it today.” The rush of all things kids, work, chores, dinner, evening activities, weekend plans felt like a thousand ping pong balls bouncing around in my skull. I had a headache already.

I sat quietly trying to orient myself to the house; a minute to figure out who was awake already and what I was going to find when I stepped outside the bedroom door. No baby screeches. No big kids bumping around. No dogs barking. Just the quiet movement of my husband getting ready for work…”I can make it to the coffee pot,” I told myself. And I did.

I made it to the coffee pot, but just barely. The others sensed “the force.” Like a magnet, my “mama force” started to draw all other breathing creatures to the kitchen. “I can say good morning,” I told myself. And I did.

And then the talking started: “Do you need anything before I go?” “What’s the school lunch today?” “Is the dishwasher clean?” … “I can answer these questions,” I told myself. And I did.

In a flash I was off: breakfast – check, book bags packed – check, baby clean and ready for Mama S – check, big kids teeth brushed – check, big kids appropriate footwear for a potentially rainy spring day – check, shower – check, bottles packed – check, initial emails responded to – check, ready for meeting – check….I just kept telling myself “I can.”

I was not feeling it today. I had no confidence that I was going to be successful with all I needed to do today. But I decided not to have any missed opportunities today (this was definitely decided after drinking my first cup of coffee). Sure I was tired, but I had to treat today like a race day. I had to say “I can make it to the next corner. I can make it to my next meeting. I can catch that person ahead of me. I can pick up my kids from school with a smile.” You know what? It worked. I made it. I won the race that was today not because I was physically ready for it, but out of sheer determination. I said “I can” with conviction – they didn’t start out that way this morning, but each time I reached a checkpoint in my day I started to build confidence. And now I am sitting her saying “I did it.”

-CD5K

P.S. The day really isn’t over yet. It’s just the transition time into all of the evening “fun.” But I made it through work and that’s a good start. Within the last half hour I said “I CAN make my life easier and order a pizza for dinner” and “I CAN send the kids with their father to… (insert anywhere here)…” It just seemed triumphant to end the post there with “I did it.” We shall see…

2 thoughts on “Determination: I CAN win this race today.”

  1. And knowing that “you did” will make my “I can” so much easier tomorrow. Hope you are saying “I did” to a restful night sleep tomorrow morning! Luv ya
    Mama D

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  2. Confession- I said “I hate my life like 6 times before 8 am.” I didn’t mean it, but in those moments I felt nothing but the despair of a long road ahead of me. But I shouldn’t have said “I hate my life.” I should’ve said something like “today feels difficult or overwhelming or like a lot.” In hindsight I should know that if I’m going to say those words I’m really saying that I need help.

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