Said a fellow classmate at CrossFit yesterday morning as I was anxiously awaiting my turn for the last back squat. I stood staring at her for a moment, trying to process what that meant for the next few minutes and next few ..well, rest of my life. I always seem to get stuck thinking about the “what if I fail” (meaning: what if I don’t meet my own expectations?) that I never even thought about not planning for it. I was eyeballing the extra 20 pounds another mate put on the bar and I said “I don’t know about that.” Denise smiled a big sweaty grin at me and I knew I had to at least try. Stepping up to the bar I said “What do I do if I get stuck? Just let it roll off my back onto the floor?” I was desperately nervous about this, and I didn’t even hear their answer. I just heard Denise’s voice resonating in my head “You don’t plan for failure.” Waiting for me, silently suspended in the rack, the bar and the weights looked ominous. I blocked out all the noise in my head. Don’t think, just do. I put my shoulders underneath the bar and I lifted the 145 pounds onto my back for one final squat. Down…okay, this is really heavy, but not impossible…just don’t stop here….uuuu…uuuuuu…uuuuup. It was done. I did it. I achieved a new PR.
Fast forward to tonight’s hellacious run. I can’t even begin to describe how bad it felt, how my morale was low to begin with after anticipating the event all day. I knew how hot it was going to be and I was tired from the workday and dinner making, and dancing around all of the toy cars and airplanes sprinkled on the floor. I would imagine that it went so poorly because of a variety of reasons. I can say that I’ve eaten poorly the past few days, I haven’t been drinking enough water, not sleeping good enough or long enough, I sat too long during the day today, the heat, the humidity, the fact that I didn’t stretch out at all today or yesterday or any other day, the other fact that I didn’t warm up either because I was quickly losing daylight, and/or the simple fact that I expected failure so that’s what I got. I didn’t meet the expectations I had, but I hadn’t planned to meet them in the first place. Denise’s words resonated in my head again. All throughout my trip around town I thought about those 5 little words, “You don’t plan for failure.” And so I pushed my 2-3 miles into 4 and I told myself that even though it didn’t feel good, it still went well. I saw the sunset and got to drink up the last few bits of summer air. When I ran, I ran faster than usual during my last mile. I told myself to enjoy the feeling of being really hot, like insides were cooking hot. I told myself to remember this so when it’s cold and windy in a month or two I can think about how great it felt to be dripping with sweat in the humid air. I also told myself that tomorrow is a new day and I will have a better attitude toward running and training. I will be more accepting of what my body can do…more accepting of everything. Thank you, Denise. Do it! Whatever your answer to the question above is – DO IT. Take Denise’s advice, like I’m trying to do, and don’t plan for the fail. Don’t think, just do.
One Step at a Time,