Life with Kids, Mama D, Mama K (CD5K), Training (read: Practicing), Uncategorized

The Envelope Please….

It’s awards season in the entertainment business!  It seems as if there is a red carpet event occurring every time you turn on the TV.  There’s the SAG awards, the People’s Choice Awards, the Golden Globes, the Grammies, the Oscars- even the kids are getting into the madness with the Nickoldeon Kids Choice Awards!  You know the format- the red carpet arrivals and interviews, “You look spectacular- who are you wearing”?  The opening act, “This year we pay tribute to the Hollywood greats- past and present (cue dramatic music and roll film clips).  There are the scandalous jokes ending with punchlines like, “…because no one knows whose bed he will end up in next,” and  the quick camera pan to the ridiculed celeb in an attempt to catch his reaction (Will he laugh?  Grimace? Clap politely? Shoot daggers at the host with his eyes?).  And of course, there are the acceptance speeches. The artists hears their name called as the winner, inhales deeply with their hand on their chest.  Turns and awkwardly kisses their date while fumbling to stand up. A moment of “Oh shit, which way is the stage?” passes followed by the incredibly long and slow walk down the aisle.  This walk includes lots of hand grasping (not quite a handshake, just a finger grab with a squeeze. The other hand is usually held over the heart.  This is the celebrity equivalent of the high five) and an anxiety filled ascent up the stairs (Side note:  After all these years of watching celebs struggle up those steps in heels that are too high and dresses that are too tight, you would think somebody would have just yelled during a planning meeting “A ramp people, just put in a God darn ramp! With a railing! We will cut this show down by 15 minutes!  Why do I have to do all the thinking around here?).  Once at the podium the artist looks down to collect their thoughts, takes a deep breath, and starts their speech with something like “Wow.  I was not expecting this…”  The award winner then attempts to thank everyone who helped make their movie/album/YouTubechannel possible, and ends with a heart felt acknowledgment of the very special people in their life that provided the support and inspiration needed to reach this pinnacle of their career. The speech is delivered in a breathy rushed manner because there just isn’t enough time to properly express the depth of their gratitude. (See my comment above- install the ramp to give more time for the expressions of gratitude). The music rolls, gets louder, and the artist is gently led off the stage while desperately trying to finish their speech.

This morning I was back to reality as we returned home late last night from our Disney Princess Half Marathon weekend.  I was feeling overwhelmed with emotion as I tried to re-enter my “normal” life- pure happiness at seeing my family, extreme fatigue from our races and whirlwind tour of FL, a little bit (OK- honesty- a ton) of sadness that it was all over, and a sprinkling of regret for that “just one more round of margaritas” we ordered at the pool yesterday!  But hands down, the emotion filling my heart and soul today is gratitude.  So in celebration of awards season, I offer you this:

Setting: the red carpet

Announcer to Mama D:   You look, um, kind of old and tired, I mean, spectacular! Who are you wearing?

Mama D:  Knox, Candice Knox’s wardrobe of course.

Announcer:  And that is an interesting flower in your hair.  Tell me about it.

Mama D:  Well Announcer, I wear it everyday.  It gives me Super Powers.  I got it from Fellow Flowers.  Check them out!

Announcer:  And I understand you are nominated for the category of ” Best Adventure Ever”. You have some tough competition with Back to the Future, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Bridesmaids, Wayne’s World, and The Hangover Parts 1-3.  What do you expect to happen tonight?

Mama D:  Well, whatever happens I’m just honored to be nominated, even though I think there is no doubt I (we) deserve the award.

Announcer:  Best of luck to you and enjoy the show.

Mama D:  Thanks Announcer, I sure will!

Setting:  The Opening

Host: And this year we pay tribute to friendships- all those special people in our lives who make life worth living…

Camera pans to Mama D smiling and wiping a tear…

Setting: The Big Moment.  Envelope please- And the Award for the Best Adventure Ever goes to….The 2016 Disney Princess Half-Marathon Weeeknd!

Camera pans to Mama D who jumps up in victory with her hands over her head and yells- Take that b#%&@s!!

Mama D trips, picks a wedgie, wipes her nose on the back of her hand, fixes her dress in the most un-elegant way, and heads on stage…

“Wow.  I totally and completely expected and deserve this award.  I am so grateful for being able to have had this experience.  There are just so many people to thank, oh, where do I start?  First I would like to thank all the folks who logistically made this possible: DisneyWorld for hosting the most fun races ever; the airlines, parking people, car rental folks, and the condo association.  To the special people we met along the way-  Brad and Sean at Epcot, Vern on the flight, Mel at the expo, the staff at the Palm Pavilion who recognized our desperate state and responded with the best service and hamburger ever, and to Linda and Loretta at the poolside.  And I can’t forget James who was the source of constant side splitting laughter.  Next, I would like to thank my Sister in Law, the Super Friends, Mamas, and all the other training partners who have inspired me to hit the pavement and train (kind of) for the event.  To all my friends and neighbors who helped shuttle, babysit, coach, feed, entertain, and take care of my children when I was gone- I am forever indebted and I hope to return the favor soon.  To the countless buddies who texted and messaged me along the way, thank you for sharing in my joy! To Mother Nature for providing the ideal weather conditions.  To the mismatched and defective parts that make up my body- thanks for continuing to somehow propel me across the finish line.  To My mom and dad, (long dramatic pause), just when I think you can’t possibly do more for me, you do.  From the bottom of my heart, thanks.  (Music starts playing in the background to signal time in almost up) To Mama K and Bonus Jen, (sniffle), words can’t do it justice.  Thanks for raising and saluting my freak flag each day. Thank you for Choosing Joy.  And thank you for not duct taping my mouth shut when I can’t stop talking.  (Music volume increased and pretty girl in gown tries to drag me off stage).  Oh no, you shut that the f$&k down.  I am not finished.  (Music abruptly stops- like stopping a record player too quickly)  Ok then.  And lastly I need to thank my husband. (Staring lovingly out to him in the audience)  You work hard everyday so that my entire life is a vacation, and I don’t thank you for it.  I thank you now with every fiber of my being.  Thank you for supporting me in my adventures and doing what needs to be done so that I can have playdates with my friends. Thank you for never putting a price tag on my happiness.  Thank you for your vision, your insights, and for loving me.  I love you too.

You can play the music again- I’m going to go start my acceptance speech for next year because I have no doubt I will win this award again.

Yes, this was a bit dramatic, but totally true.

-Run happy, with friends, and a flower in your hair

Mama D



6 thoughts on “The Envelope Please….”

  1. Normally by the time the music starts in the background, your speech should’ve been over anyway. This except in speech I want an encore! The post seem to run the gamut of emotions from hysterical laughter to heartfelt gratitude. Great job & keep blazing a trail of awesomeness, SolefulMamas!


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