Mama K (CD5K), Training (read: Practicing), Where I'm at now...

Project Me – Weeks 3 & 4 

I would say week 3 was a success. I felt like I found a bit of a groove with my eating and didn’t feel the need to look up new recipes, I had ideas of what I needed to do to tweak my existing menu.  My main changes were: black coffee or no coffee some mornings, no rice or bread – I ate an Ezekiel wrap with baked turkey (white meat) hummus and veggies and feta cheese, which was delicious; no rice, just my red quinoa; no major fatty pork dinners like sausage or eating tons of bacon in the morning.  I ate my chicken soup for many lunches and enjoyed it every time. I incorporated haddock into my dinner plan.  So here’s a little check in:

Current weight: 172.6    Change: down 5lbs from previous week’s weight…. down almost one pound from the start.  Current Mood: Let’s keep this going.

My A-HA moment was last Sunday evening when we ate dinner at my mother’s house. We had a delicious meal of baked turkey, plain sweet potatoes, and salad.  But then she made homemade chocolate chip cookies. She cut the sugar in at least half for the recipe and used coconut sugar instead of regular sugar.  She made them with love. And I ate them with love, which lead to my lightbulb thought: Just eat with intention. For me that means, eat only “the bad foods” I absolutely love and savor them, in moderation. I thought about what these foods might be: Mim’s homemade chocolate chip cookies for sure, a glass of red wine with some dinners, bacon in mindful doses.  Things I love are back on the table and without guilt because we all know it, the more you deprive yourself of what you love, the greater the fall when you actually give in.  I need less guilt in my life, less stress, and less feelings of inadequacy.  I need to stop expending so much precious energy beating myself up.

I’m still going to track my calories. I’m still going to drink a ton of water.  I’m still going to eat really nutrient rich and highly satisfying foods like my avocados, nuts, fish, chicken dinners. I’m still going to cut out white bread, bagels, and all that stuff because I really don’t miss that and I really do love feeling less sluggish (unless I’m at a restaurant and they have fresh warm bread on the table – then it’s game over. I LOVE warm fresh bread and butter -there’s nothing better. And I don’t have to feel guilty about it because I know I love it and I’m eating with intention).

We’ll see how week 4 goes!

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This is week 4 in a nutshell. I tried to get started and got nowhere… fast. Apparently, it’s the only thing I can do fast- get nowhere. It’s Saturday and I am currently sitting in the minivan and pissed off at myself because I refused to get out of the car with my husband and the two dogs. This was supposed to be a makeup for bailing on the 12 mile training run with the girls this morning. This was supposed to be “quality time” as a couple and all I did was get mad on the drive over to Green Lane about how dirty the minivan was and then refuse to run.  

I don’t feel well and I have a cold. Fine. I was out late last night at my daughter’s  winter track meet and we didn’t go to bed until almost midnight. Fine. I could tell you at least 10 more excuses that sound reasonable in my head but they’re all excuses that point to the fact that I have zero motivation to run in the cold and wind anymore. Goals be damned. Marathon be damned (though I am thrilled for the Disney Princess Half Marathon weekend).  I think I ran out of  mental stamina for everything because…. it just happened…. Physically I know I can do it, mentally and emotionally, not so much.  

I ran once this week. I got 4 miles in on the treadmill before I went away for work for 2 days. But that’s it. I did nothing else since the 10 mile run last week. I didn’t even have the guts to show up and do whatever I could do this morning.  Or this afternoon apparently. And as I sit here and see Ryan and the dogs approach the car, all I can think of is “good for you.” 



And “Leave me alone.”

 I am thinking all the nasty thoughts right now, especially because Ryan just opened the car door and said “Let’s go.” Without saying a word I closed the door and watched them run off again, Tessa looking back to see if I was going to follow them. I didn’t. 

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Sunday morning has come so quickly once again and I am mapping out the day. There’s so much to do already and that doesn’t even include any laundry or picking up after the kids.  As I finish setting up my chicken noodle soup to cook, I feel overwhelmed by the thought once more of “you didn’t run yesterday.” Feeling defeated before 9am, I felt like giving up. I should just go to church and then go back to bed for the day. What’s the point in even trying? I’m only going to be frustrated by the list of things I didn’t do.  Some days there’s just too much to do and not enough time. 

 Then the voice of reason whispers, “Be kind to yourself. This is a time for rest.”  There is much to do and no space for guilt or need to focus on the negative.  The voice whispered again, “Throw the list away. Spend time with your children.  That’s all you need to do today. That will make it a good day, a successful day.”

Slowing my thoughts down and mentally preparing for only one thing is the best I can do for myself today. So I didn’t run. Fine.  So I gained weight this week. Fine. So the laundry isn’t done and the dishes are piled up in the sink like a Dr. Seuss book. Fine. So I may not exercise again today. Fine.  It’s all fine.  Because in the end, everything works out anyway. 

Positive and calm vibes for all,  

-Mama K 

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